My mind is a scramble of dead-end knots and frayed threads trying to keep everything together. Of about 30 things that I have to complete before I leave on the 11th of January, I've only ticked off about 2. So much for being well-planned.
I'm just about done with Real World by Natsuo Kirino. No idea how I managed to get through it, since it's basically written through the point of view of a boy who killed his mother. It's nauseating... but gripping, I suppose. The scariest part is you can find yourself relating to some of the beliefs of the persona; like, you realize with a cold dread in your heart that you've thought that before, or you've been convinced of this before. Of course there is no part of me that would actually take a metal bat to my mother's head just because "she nagged a lot"... but it was still motherchucking horrifying to discover that I've had thoughts in common with this teenage psychopath.
Started The Associate today and I'm about 40% in. The main character started out as a bit of a wuss, too much of a pseudo-"Good Samaritan" for my taste but he's developing into quite a dashing protagonist now. Have had to take several breaks to check up on my legal vocabulary, but other than that I admire John Grisham's swift deliverance of a bold plot in concise words that have just a hint of poetry about it.
#notetoself - Must read more John Grisham books.
Other than that... I just realized that my favourite 5 short-term animes are all related to two things:
1. Robots
2. Government conspiracies
:| What does this say about me, I wonder?
Had another "sit-down" with ayah about my future career. I hate it when certain adults bark on and on about my 'potential' but never actually inform me of where this so-called 'potential' of mine seems to be headed. I mean, the only inclination that I've ever had by myself (without external influence of some kind) is towards graphic design and advertising, way back when I was 12. Everything else seems to be an idea of some well-meaning adult at a party somewhere, planted into my subconscious.
But I do want to do Economics. Right? I mean... Yeah. My mom's been hinting at me for ages to go for PPE (Politics, Philosophy & Economics) and just this evening I found out that there's such a thing called LE (Law & Economics) and that sounds brilliant and I read a sample of the preliminary reading and it seems so interesting but then I'd feel obliged to be a lawyer and then I'd have to work in the grind and as much as I seem like the kind of girl who would feel attracted to the high-pressure, fast-lane lifestyle, I do still want time for my family and for travel and for my husband and all of these factors tie in with the money issue, and the employment market issue, and DAMN IT GUYS I JUST WANT TO GET THROUGH MY A-LEVELS.
/breathe. In other news... I have to start figuring out dates to meet people before I leave. :(
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