Deleted that last post because it sounded like I was condoning drug abuse. Tch.
It's 1:35am. I have to be up in 4 hours. Can't sleep. Too many things running through my mind. Just so that I can get some peace tonight, going to leave this post floating on the Internet for a few hours before deleting it. Doing the "pick 6 people you want to say something to". Can you figure out who I'm talking to?
1 I know who you are. I may not know the you when you're in those kind of clothes talking in that kind of way; but I know you when you're stripped down to your core and when you feel like you have nothing left. Do you remember that feeling? I don't know what I want to say to you- just that first thing, I guess. I know who you are.
2 I wanted to be like you. So. Badly. But now, for all my insecurities and fears and cynicism, I look at you and all I can do is shake my head in pity. To the younger ones' eyes you may lead a life to be envied. Flitting from event to glamorous event, with your Gossip Girl slang, bold make-up and foreign clothes. But I see the emptiness. Boy toys & party girls will only go so far. I hope you fill the void soon. Don't forget you're beautiful on the inside too.
3 I'm sorry things didn't work out the way you wanted to. You really deserved that happiness. But this could lead to something better for you, for him. Please stay strong, and don't let this change your optimistic outlook on life and love.
4 Stop being such a douche. Being funny doesn't necessarily equate to being nasty. Tell the joke, tell it 300 times-- but at one point it stops being amusing. You don't even know him. All you know is what others have said about him, others that aren't even that trustworthy to you now. The only reason you pick on him, the whole bunch of you, is because people like you need a 'lesser' target to make your inferior, just so you can feel good about yourselves. And you call him the asshole?
5 You know? I tried. I tried 'speaking your language', liking the things you liked- I even hated the people you hated. And for what? I created a pseudo-personality that I didn't even want to be, for the sake of being accepted by the likes of you. Five years are up, you still don't like me and I've found out that you're not such an inspiring lot either. He was right. I should have stuck with being myself. Maybe then I could have had this epiphany earlier, and spent more time looking for friends who'd appreciate me for all my nerdy, loseristic ways. YES I USED THE WORD LOSERISTIC. DEAL WITH IT.
6 I love you. You're asleep now, and I don't want to wake you up. Sorry.
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