Whirlwind.

Last night only managed to fall asleep at 6-ish after Subuh, only to be woken up forty-five minutes later because the previous day I'd whined to my mom about how fat I'm becoming and I suppose she got tired of it so she woke me up to take a walk at the park. Four rounds, lol, I really do do things better with Arashi music in my ears. I mean, who wouldn't be able to walk four rounds when listening to Fight Song live, right?

Oh. Why I fell asleep at 6?

I was up all night with two windows open- one for universities and scholarships in Japan, and another for United Kingdom. Now we all know the rational choice is UK. Because. You know. That's been my life since, ever. But somehow I can't bring myself to let go of this image of myself studying in Japan. Studying in Japan. Even after I get over my Arashi phase (lord forbid lol), Japan will still be my comfort zone because... it WAS the land of Arashi. It is the land of Naruto. It is the land of bowing, and cute voices, and punctual trains. It is my ideal country. Who would pass up their chance to study in their ideal country?

But rational choices always stick it out with me. You know how I am. Can't be spontaneous to save my life. (Save for that concert fiasco.. oh dear lord.. I'll never be able to look at Tokyo Dome quite the same way again..)

I suppose the whole comparison thing was to ease my own sorrowful heart, like, telling it firmly, "LOOK. Look how expensive halal food is in Japan! You say you wouldn't mind eating sashimi every day, but THAT'S going to be accumulatively expensive too. What about lodging? Tokyo is so much less a metropolitan city as compared to London, which is basically the new Bombay and also where you can find an Arab shop on every street corner. You know London, their stations. You could hardly grasp your bearings in a STATION in Tokyo. It's not practical. It's not realistic.

.... and so on and so forth.
... These are the times I wish I was rebellious, who could give a damn about what her starting salary is (has to meet the bar of my siblings), which company will take her in (has to meet the approval of my parents), and, you know, all these other things come into play like marriage and kids and THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH YEARS to do everything I wanna do and my dad is still fixated with this idea of me graduating before I'm 21 and ...

yes.... I spent the whole night in a miserable state such as this......
at the end of the night, however, I opened A_O and there was a video of Arashi in suits and I'm like, Aww you guys how'd you know I needed cheering up? :') I'm such a dork. Though I'm glad to know that even if I'm not the flawless genius youngest daughter everyone needs me to be, my weakness is still the most awesome, rainbow-infested weakness of all. ♥

(hugs calendar) That's right Neen. Keep grinning.

EDIT:-
Grammatical errors are so damn plentiful in this post BUT HEY GUESS WHAT I GOT 45 MINUTES OF SLEEP IN THE PAST 36 HOURS SO CUT ME SOME SLACK.